Winding Down

The holidays and the busy...

Nov 20, 2025

(Art by Liu Ling)

The conclusion of my September shows allowed me to take a small break from vending. I have restocked books, went through with a few more plans for remaining 2025 and potential plans for 2026, and kept on writing… slowly.

I have spent a lot of time working on both writing and preparing for the baby. Obviously, the baby has taken a lot more of my time. My writing doesn’t have quite the demand, but that doesn’t mean it needs to stop or slow down.

I have to be honest. I don’t know exactly what it is, but I’ve been in some form of a rut. I mostly blame being burnt out, but it’s the first time I’ve felt like this. At least to the level I’ve felt lately.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had a lot of good happen this year and I’m forever grateful for it all. Sometimes I wish I had a slow down button. Work, commute, responsibilities, sleep, repeat. Boohoo right? Everyone feels that, not just me.

I don’t mean to complain. I think I struggle with the balance of relax AND getting words on paper. I often come home and find small windows of freedom to choose…

Do I slow down and take a breath, or do I put myself in a chair and get the words out?

It’s a heavy decision, because I find it reflects on the parent I want to be. It makes me look inward and ask myself if I’m going to let my son push himself or am I going to let him slow down and look at the world on his time.

Sure, I’m jumping the gun. I have absolutely no idea what kind of life he’s going to want to live let alone push him to work harder for that said life.

But I do know there’s a limit I often struggle to find and that’s pushing myself to the brink of exhaustion. My parents pushed me to work hard, but not to the level I force myself sometimes.

I think about that a lot. Is my level of determination focus for a greater life and career, or is it obsession to the unhealthy level?

I don’t sacrifice sleep, chug energy drinks, or disregard responsibilities for the sake of my creative side, so why do I often feel like I have to sacrifice for it? Why do I have to stop when it’s truly the one thing that keeps me happy that I find deep satisfaction doing?

I’m adapting to find smaller windows to fulfill writing opportunities. I’m finding that already planning my follow up book is just as exciting. I think for so long that I wanted to get my books out as fast as possible, but sometimes I just need to slow down a bit more and I can really focus on what’s important and give my writing the better quality instead of allowing it to lack or be disappointed in myself for rushing.

I understand the importance of focusing on the new adventure I’m about to embark on, but I didn’t realize the amount of strain it would take on writing and how much I can’t even prioritize it.

I am getting closer to holding him in my arms for the first time and sharing everything with him. I want my son to be proud to see his father followed through with his passion, and hopefully feel motivated to do the same!

I recently posted on Instagram about my updated copies of Death Cleanse. Gloss cover, new interior design, and worldwide distribution. I think they look better than ever!